Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Bastard Rabbit Swine!

Ah, spring! When a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of blowing that bastard bunny rabbit into a million tiny scraps of fur for totally debarking the quince bush and the long-suffering plum tree! Furry little parcel of death! Miserable dark lightning of fruit tree fatality, flashing across the snow banks when I go out for firewood just before dawn! Small, soft angel of how I threw away $50 on those trees! I despise you! I will never again stop the cats from eating your children! I will encourage the cats to eat your children! And may fleas infest the pink satin linings of your ears! And may fruit tree bark upset your tiny stomach! Bastard rabbit swine!


  1. Beautifully cursed! I'm sorry. I feel your pain. Pray for a fox family. They cleaned out my rabbits...for a year anyway.

  2. And how! Today I too discovered my blueberry bushes are looking rather stubby. I'd venture there were a number of us ("us" being anyone who weighs more than four pounds) out examining the places in our gardens that have been inaccessible to us the past few months... Only to find that we missed the bunny buffet. Sorry about your fruit trees :(

  3. I saw the bastard again this morning when I went out for firewood. Either he's insane or very, very hungry because he stayed at the birdfeeder, demurely, cutely eating fallen seeds, even though the cat and I were only a few feet away. Of course, I wrapped the victim trees in wire just in case they are not stone dead, so perhaps he had nowhere else to turn. Maybe being eaten by a cat is starting to seem good by this time of winter. Poor little fellow.